When I was Young

It's been long since I had a free wednesday.

Every wednesday, my schedule goes something like this:

800: Wake up for school

1000 - 1500: School

1500 - 1830/1900: CCA

2030 - 2230: Dance

It leaves me no space to slow down every Wednesday.

But today is different, today I do not have CCA nor dance! And I ended school at 2PM!

Honestly, I was extremely happy when I actually realised thi

s last night. I made plans to reach home by 4pm, go to the park, maybe cycle/run and spend some time journalling and praying (haven't really don

e that in quite awhile, miss it).

But plans changed when my brother called me to meet him since he was at whitesands. Here's the thing, although in the end, I didn't do what I planned to do. Walking around, shopping and spending that hour or so with him meant a lot. It's not very often that we get to walk around and spend time with one another with your As, and my busy schedule. So every time I spend with you means a lot. (:

Ps (to you kor)// Please don't go army )))': & don't get attached (if not i can't spend time with you ): boo)

But anyway, the reason why I'm blogging is this, I was on th

e bus going home and I was just looking at this little boy who was sitting down, dangling his cute croc-ed feet in the air, cause he can't reach the floor. He was super cute! (I want a baby brother )))): Bam. )

& I got reminded of how I was when I was a kid. (:

When I was young,

• I hated it that my feet could never touch the floor when I sit down, but now all I wanna do be that small kid again and let my feet dangle there freely.
• I would stand in front of a standing fan, and shout gibberish into it, just to hear my robot voice.
• I would "fight" with my brother to get piggy-backed by my dad. :P
  A little dark, but that's my dad carrying my bro and i :D

• I used to stare at people's bottoms when my family goes to Chinatown during CNY, just cause I was too short
• I would steal the cane my mom always used on me, and attempt to hide or throw it away
• I loved to wear my mom's high heels and walk around in them
• I kissed and hugged my parents goodnight every single night (:
• I would ALWAYS attempt to sit on the lift's handle whenever I'm in one without strangers around

CNY 2002, in my dad's office's lift.

• I had friends, "bluff-friends", and "enemies", especially in primary school
• I loved singing in the car, coming up with impromptu lyrics like "the sky is so blue.."
• my brother and i would drag our matresses and pillows & bolsters over to our parent's room to sleep with them :P
• every single birthday was spent with my family (we still do that! :D ) and it means so much to me!

my tenth birthday (:

Well, the thing is, we all have good memories of our past, but time does not let us live back in those care-free, non-busy, fun-filled days. Time only allows us to move forward in life, and allow such memories of the past to build on to our future.

Such memories, that may seem to fade away,

such memories that I treasure quite deeply.

What's your heart beating for?

Struggles make my life me, cause I know they make me stronger.

That’s why I never give up, that’s why I’m not afraid to fail.

Today I face another obstacle, and so my heart starts beating. Again.

-Khun

Sorry, this is just a random post, something that I just felt like putting up for my own satisfaction of putting this quote up. Ha!

3 dreams, 1 God.

First dream, 6 x 3 = 18 lives!

Second dream, SHSS Cell.

Third dream, Radical Rivers.

Those who know what these dreams are, good on ya! haha. But those who don't, no worries (:

But anyway, here's my point.

God gives us dreams, or rather we may have dreams of our own.

Dreams to get into our dream career, or to be married by 25 years old, or to simply just live each day to the fullest, Carpe Diem. But not every dream is easy to achieve, that's why it's called a dream!

But what do yo do when you come face to face with reality? That whatever you're dreaming of is just too far-fetched, impossible, and maybe not even worth dreaming about cause it's just too tough to be accomplished.

That feeling stinks.

But with my three dreams, I've got nothing to start with, empty handed, except the power of God. These dreams are meaningless and pointless without His grace and power, because these are His dreams.

God does not give us a dream for nothing.

And He does not give us a dream if He can't fulfill it.

So all that's required now if three things:

- Prayer

- Obedience

- Faith

dream

  [dreem] Show IPA noun

1. a cherished aspiration, ambition, or ideal : "I fulfilled a childhood dream when I became champion" | the girl of my dreams | 2. an unrealistic or self-deluding fantasy : "maybe he could get a job and earn some money—but he knew this was just a dream."

Choose your definition of your dream. (:

Give & take.

I started ballet in 1996,

started hiphop in 2008,

started ballroom in 2009's february 3rd.

I stopped ballet in late 2008,

stopped hiphop in end April 2009,

stopped ballroom in end June 2009.

July, August, September, October = no dance, AT ALL.

Dance WAS my life, it was something I held close to my heart, it was my identity. It wasn't something that I allowed to be taken away from me that easily, not my mom's advice during my busy periods, nor the discouragements along the way, nor my busy schedule, dance was me.

But when it all came to a stop, when dance became absent in my life,

it felt weird, a little empty, but mainly lost.

It felt like life wasn't exactly that complete, that life wasn't at it's best.

I began questioning God, doubting God and getting upset with Him. I couldn't understand why He had to take it all away, why put three dances in my life, just to remove it all away.

Basically, I struggled and wrestled with God.

But ultimately, I knew why at the end of it.

He took dance away from my life, just to teach me, surrender.

To show me that dance isn't me, but dance is what He has given to me.

Many times, during ballet exams, my prayers were just security blankets, it were just words to comfort myself that God's helping me. But I took it all into my hands, I danced with my strength, and not His. God didn't want my "security prayers", He wanted full surrender from me.

God takes things away,

just so that He can fill us.

Mom was in HK, NZ, is in China, will be in Israel.

Situation 1: Whitesands foodcourt, at the laksa stall.

Mom, "You bring the food ah, I go buy drinks first. What you want?"

Me, "Uh, teh bing. (: "

Mom walks away to buy drinks, comes back after 1-2mins.

Mom, "Teh bing, you want cold or hot?"

Hahahahhaha! My mom's so cute :P

Situation 2: Around 2pm, parents just came home from church, and I just got out of bed (I KNOW, I SLEPT IN. HEE )

I was trying to act "awake", cause I didn't want my rents to nag that I slept till so late in the afternoon.

Mom looks at me when she walks in, "Just wake up ah?!"

Me, "Huh...How you know?? ): "

Mom, "You got sleepy face what."

Daaaang, mom's smart, and knows the best.

18th!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA TAN HUI YING!

MUCH LOVE,

AMANDA TEO HUI PING!

I'm listing, again & again.

(Lists have became my bestfriend)

What you're about to read may not make sense.

1,Everyone's gone, except maybe one or two, therefore I'm only really talking to God. I don't like it when I've got no one.

2, God's stretching me, and it's getting way too tiring and mind draining. I know it's time to surrender and let go, but it's tough when there's too much to be done.

3, Friends are friends, but what about close friends? Hmm, it's coming. I can feel God moving, I know something's happening in this dream of mine (:

4, Dance greeted me with huge blisters, then again, no pain no gain.

5, In my mind and body, my life's a mess.

In my spirit, my life's growing.

In my heart, it's cluttered.

Questions, no answers yet.