Searching for the answer.

Dai Yang Tian,
an actor from China, who recently acted in Little Nonya as a photographer,
and is acting in The Table of Glory, starting this wed.

He was interviewed in today's TODAY paper, on page 24.
And I found his answer extremely intriguing,
I'm not sure if you can read what is in the picture below.
But his last sentence says,
"I'm searching for the answer to the question
of why each of us exists in this world."

I was awed when I read it.
And I thought, a busy actor with an exciting and interesting life actually wonders about the meaning of life,
what about the people around us? Our friends, schoolmates and even family members?
It is so important for us to go out and talk to the people around us, and share our meaning in life, to share our whole purpose of walking our streets of life. To step out of our little circle around us, to those who are out of our tiny circle. It is about time to expand our circle so that lives can be lived with a meaning, and a good meaning at that.

But other then the people around us, like dai yang tian, who's from China.
It's time we step up, and step out to other countries to reach them. Right?! RIGHT!
hahah! But yeah, just a a titbit for your mind (:

-MND

Fear to Fail

Joachim, thank you!

After having a good talk with joachim after service just now,
it really made me realise that I've got to do something about this fear within me, this fear of failure.
Not the failure in exams or tests, but the failure to reach what I've expected, the failure to reach the goal I aimed for. I guess, not really academically, but in my ministry, in dance and in my personal life.

i AM scared to fail.

And I am aware of it, but I just never got down to challenging this fear, to challenge and overcome it, to overcome and testify that I'm more than a conqueror!
I've never thought that this fear would hinder me in any major "earth-quake" way, but I know that if I do not overcome it, it will. Because there's always this question behind my mind, "what if I fail?" .

I think I am not scared of what happens after the fall, but rather the fall, because falling hurts, it leaves scars and I don't want to fall.
I'm scared of failing, not how I'll get up, cause I know I can get up with the support and guidance from the God and the people around me.
But it's that fear of failing and letting people, God and ultimately myself down.

I don't like failure, no one does, but I hate it, I'm scared of it.
I'd rather give up when I know I'll fail, then go on and fail in the end, because I don't like the idea of failing, the idea of hitting the mark below my aim. I'd rather not start a project with an unclear end, than to begin the project and have a probability of failure staring at me, cause I don't want to set my aims high and disappoint myself.

But I'm challenging myself to overcome it, to challenge situations even when I know I may fail, to jump over hurdles and fall, and fall, and fall over and over again. Because after every fall, I'll learn and improve, failures are there to pump me higher, and I'm taking it on.
There's no particular thing in mind that I want to challenge, but if there is, I'll remember this post and dare to try and dare to fail.

Dare to fail.

-MND

My God is so Big!

For these past three days, from monday till today (wednesday),
I told myself that I have to set aside time to read God's word and pray for the very reason that I've been wasting my time everyday on the computer, TV, food and more food.
So I told God that I'll commit three days onto Him, and spend my entire three days with Him, not just knowing He's there with me, but WITH Him (:
And I must say that it was fulfilling and fruitful (yeah, i mean fruitful literally too, oranges overload my fridge!)!

On monday, I took out the guitar and began strumming. Played some easy songs, and came upon the song untitled "As I Pray". Here's the lyrics:

Here I am, my Father.

Waiting for Your word.

Speak and I will hear You,

show me how to serve.

The man who needs Your mercy,
the child who's lost her way.
Lead me by Your spirit, as I pray.

As I pray,pray, for the people on your heart,
as I pray, pray, for the people on your hear,
I believe that if I seek You,
I can touch the people on Your heart.

"How apt?!" I thought.
'Cause the purpose of coming before God was really my ministry, my cell, my lovely members.
I was questioning God how He wants me to serve, to lead these young ones who are growing in Him.

I found it extremely hard to pray,
I mean like REALLY pray, with all your heart and might.
Then it occurred to me that it's probably because I never really formed a habit of praying till my lungs burst or something, maybe I did before, but never a habit. It was a never a habit to intercede, to pray... like never before.

So I decided to go for an easier option, worship.
I spent the day staying in God's presence, worshipping Him, and really, dealing more with God about me, more than my ministry. But I enjoyed it.
I enjoyed leading myself into that sacred place, where.. I could not really see His face, but I knew I had entered into that inner courts.

And I thank God for bringing me there (:

So I tried praying again on tuesday, but I just couldn't concentrate.
So I read, read the book of matthew and warrior chicks by holly wagner (she's really funny)!
And I got reminded of God's super duper love for me through His sacrifice of Jesus.

Seriously, what great measures of love!

I was awed...

Then I found myself asking God for that heart to love my sheeps, to love those under me, so much so that they matter a whole lot to me. So much so that I would go and do that extra mile for them, because I have been given that authority to lead and guide them. And if I do not love them, and out of love, support and guide them, who will?

Heart of deep deep love! <3

Now, the third day.
(you're probably thinking, worship, read, prayer now?)
and you're right!!

I got down before God, sitting down (hehe! i find kneeling sore-roful), but with a serious and yearning heart.
And I told God my heart's desires. (:
It was marvellous! Really.

And I know that He is preparing me for a road of leadership that I've never been through before.
So God, I'm ready, I'm ready!

So to SHSS cell (if you actually know/read my blog:)
I LOOOOOVE YOU! (;

ps//: if you actually did read the whole load above,
thank you! (:

-MND